The song in your head is the souvenir

Doggy bag! ! ! 

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules: Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! JUST SAY IT! 1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. ...

Seemingly innocent question, a kid in a small rackety car and considering I was on my Machismo 350, I smiled confidently and replied ‘nothing else in the country’! Little did I know I was being set up to be knocked down. The kid just popped his head out of the car and, his casual air of disinterest thinly concealing the glint of admiration in his eyes. My answer was met with a disdainful smirk. ‘I saw a foreigner on a Yamaha last week. That was much bigger. He told me they’re going to make it in India. 1200 cc, and it was sooo (he stretched his arms out and the dingy car permitted) big. When I'm old enough, that’s what I’m going to ride’. He gave my bike one last look out of the corner of his eye, just before the car pulled of. Many kilometers down the road, and alone with my thoughts on the bike, I pondered his question. It was the classic mental pivot. Both ridiculously simplistic and unbelievably deep at the same time. In the old days, people bought a Bullet not because of...

***People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? ***People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. ***When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Screw You! What good is a freakin cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead? ***When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? ***When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid 100 Bucks to come to the theatre and stare at the freakin ceiling up there. What did you come here for? ***People who ask "Can I ask you a quest...